And I'll Have You Know I'm Scared To Death

2009-04-25T05:46:00.000-07:00

By the uncertainty of my future.
By the developments in the world.
War. Riots. I am fortunate to be living in Singapore.
Even the lowliest in our community are seen to be able to afford a mobile. A television set maybe. How can that compare to the slums in various parts of the world where their next meal is always a challenge.

I thought about how my life ahead seemed such a scary thing. Then I thought about the people who do not even know if they will live long enough to even THINK of a life ahead. Is God fair? Will the poor and oppressed be rewarded with salvation? Will the rich and the complacent be struck down and condemned?

Just the other day as I escorted an arrested man to the hospital, I saw another army personnel in a stretcher being wheeled in. He seemed to be another of those cardio-cases that has manifested itself in numerous other incidents in recent months. Life is such a fragile thing. I've seen a man pronounced dead not 5mins before I arrived outside his unit. Seen a man semi-conscious in the morning, and had to inform his family of his demise 3 hours later.

I tell the world that I do not fear death. That I have nothing to lose if I were to be taken away. That I'd welcome it with wide, open arms. I want to believe that with all my heart. But I can't. I wan't to live, love and die. I don't want this to be a waste of time. Yet I feel so insignificant. So incapable. I want to be young forever. Never to grow up and experience the pains of age and deterioration. I crave for immortality.

I scorn those who'd take their own lives over the slightest of issues such as breakups or undesirable academic results. "Take a good look at the world outside your pathetic hole" I'd tell them. If they were able to see, would they think twice?

It is Written

And I'll Have You Know I'm Scared To Death